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Communicate with your Brothers/sister Marines.

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  #421  
Old 05-06-2011, 12:46 PM
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I was Skaid !!!






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  #422  
Old 05-06-2011, 12:55 PM
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Good one Marine1955. I think he may have been a deckhand on a destroyer out of Norfolk, Va. / Semper Fi / Regina Meunier
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  #423  
Old 05-19-2011, 07:27 AM
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Advice from a retired husband

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol Anne. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol Anne. I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly, of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
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  #424  
Old 05-19-2011, 11:22 AM
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Baby Arnold !!!



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  #425  
Old 05-20-2011, 05:32 AM
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Old guys are always considerate.

I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

So, I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
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  #426  
Old 05-21-2011, 08:27 PM
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Gary !!! please come and get your girl friend and take her back home!!!!
She's scaring all the neighborhood.
and she want too kiss everyone.



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  #427  
Old 06-02-2011, 06:03 PM
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Mexican Navy Seal !! Rare Photo !!!

Rare Photo of Mexican Navy Seal


This is a rare photo of a Mexican Navy Seal.








I knew they had them, but I have never seen one.
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  #428  
Old 06-22-2011, 11:37 AM
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amazing magic






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  #429  
Old 06-26-2011, 05:28 PM
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Prostate exam
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test by the National Health Service, my friend Gary decided to have this next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco. He heard the nurses are beautiful and allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As he lay naked on his side on the table and the nurse began the examination.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection." said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection," said Gary.

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.
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  #430  
Old 07-29-2011, 07:39 AM
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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.......


The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.."

The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside of them are color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside of them are in alphabetical order"

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC , shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable. "
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  #431  
Old 08-02-2011, 09:42 AM
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  #432  
Old 08-02-2011, 11:42 AM
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The newly appointed General Amos Was attending a reception party on his being promoted to Commandant of the Marine Corps.
While attending he had his staff standing at the ready for any thing that might happen. the Congressman Wife who was hosting the party for him went around the room passing out little pastries and crackers with cheeses on them. when she notice that the commandants men not socializing with the crowd she went over and ask this nice looking 1st. lieutenant would he like a little something to eat? The lieutenant snapped to attention and said no mam I don't eat that chit!!! and went back to parade rest.
stun the congress lady couldn't believe she heard what she thought she heard so she went back and asked would you care for something to eat and the lieutenant snapped to attention and again said real Marines don't eat that chit and went back to parade rest. feeling so furious about how the young lieutenant responded to her she went straight to the commandant and told him what had happened. looking around the commandant said which one was it and she pointed to the lieutenant and said that one right there.
The commandant looked to see and when he turned back to the congressman's wife he said F u c k him don't give him anything then. and the party went on...
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  #433  
Old 10-10-2011, 10:26 AM
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The Marine wine taster

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A retired Marine (see attached), drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old Marine tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct," said the boss. "Another glass, please."

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished and winked at his executive assistant to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The Marine tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."
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  #434  
Old 10-12-2011, 05:53 AM
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New Airport Security Device

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

"Attention to all standby passengers, we now have a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!"
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  #435  
Old 10-12-2011, 12:18 PM
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Ya better hope I don't find that BAN button cause your ass is about to get axed. ha ha ha

You ever see a really good looking girl that you know her boyfriend is getting tired of and won 't share? Well I'm not him, I'd be happy to share this beauty with you ALL. yuk yuk
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  #436  
Old 10-17-2011, 03:19 AM
Hollis Mckinley Hollis Mckinley is offline
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Office Hours

The M/Sgt had a spare room set up at his house as his Marine Room.

He and his wife had two little boys that was always screwing up by their standards, which was quiet often. The wife would have the culprit standing outside his office (Marine Room) at parade rest. The M/Sgt would come in, set behind his desk and yell report! At this time the little boy that had office hours coming would center the hatch and report as ordered.

One day he came and both was standing outside his hatch. He yelled "report" to the first one, who immediately centered the hatch and yelled, "private scumbag reporting as ordered."The ole man told him that from the note their mom had written him, he had failed to dump the trash can that morning and fined him two weeks allowance. He dismissed the kid and he did a smart two steps to the rear then an about face and booked.

"Report" he told the second one and at which time the kid came in and slouched up against the door sill and just looked at his dad. "Not guilty" he said and "how do I get out of this chicken shit outfit!!!!"
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  #437  
Old 11-25-2011, 04:38 AM
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The old pilot

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Steadman's, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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  #438  
Old 11-26-2011, 09:22 AM
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Gunny goes to the Doc for his annual VA check up. Lady Doctor. She harps right off and sez , "You need to quit smoking." He asks, "Why?" She sez - so you can live ten years longer. So he sez Ok and then she sez And you need to quit drinking, too, because it will rot your liver and kill you. He sighs, sez, OK and then she adds, You also need to stop masturbating and he asks WHY!?! and she sez Because I am examining you.....
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  #439  
Old 12-12-2011, 10:21 AM
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How To Save The Airlines…..a good idea, based in part on Economics

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary , thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
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  #440  
Old 03-06-2012, 10:03 AM
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Meat lovers


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